


tcon 3000

by orphan_account



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Friendship, Gen, idk what else to add here, mildly unfunny, text fic, thats it, they all have a group chat and they talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:41:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25810777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: BLUEBERRY PIE changed fjord's name to pussy.pussy: Who the fuck are youpussy: Jeff??jeff: none of your FUCKING business, pussy!!!!In which the Nein create a groupchat to plan TravellerCon, and in which very little planning occurs.
Kudos: 39





	tcon 3000

**Sapphire Fire 🌀 created a group chat "TRAVELLERCON 3000!!!!!"**

**Sapphire Fire 🌀:** HI guys!!!!!! Here we can talk about Travellercon and Stuff!!!!! \\(ϋ)/

 **bo:** wow jes thats a lot of exclamation points

 **Caleb Widogast:** Just because you do not use any punctuation, Beauregard…

 **bo:** fuck off lebby

 **who took my fucking flask:** only i'm allowed to call him that!! you fuck off, BO

 **who took my fucking flask:** oh shit, i forgot this was my name

**who took my fucking flask changed their name to jeff.**

**jeff:** love you jester <3

 **Sapphire Fire:** I love you too Veth!!!!!! (｡♡‿♡｡)

 **bo:** no offence but i hate those fucking emote things

 **bo:** emoticons. whatever

 **Sapphire Fire 🌀:** But they're so cute!!!!

**Sapphire Fire 🌀 changed their name to ¯\\_༼ᴼل͜ᴼ༽_/¯.**

**¯\\_༼ᴼل͜ᴼ༽_/¯:** :D

 **bo:** oh god.

 **Clay:** Well i think theyre cute!

 **¯\\_༼ᴼل͜ᴼ༽_/¯:** See!!!! Thank you Caduceus!!!!

 **unrestrained summer fun:** they r cute BO here just has 0 taste 

**bo:** literally fuck off mollymauk. why does everyone keep shitting on my name bo is fun its minimalistic its cute

 **unrestrained summer fun:** no

 **¯\\_༼ᴼل͜ᴼ༽_/¯:** Yeah beau you need to change your nickname!!!!!

**¯\\_༼ᴼل͜ᴼ༽_/¯ changed bo's name to BLUEBERRY PIE.**

**BLUEBERRY PIE:** what the fuck

**¯\\_༼ᴼل͜ᴼ༽_/¯ changed their name to BLUEBERRY CUPCAKE.**

**BLUEBERRY CUPCAKE:** Now we match!!!! :D

 **BLUEBERRY PIE:** oh

 **unrestrained summer fun:** blueberry pie

 **BLUEBERRY PIE:** shut up. its cute. thanks jes

**BLUEBERRY CUPCAKE: ♥️♥️♥️♥️**

**unrestrained summer fun:** thats gay

 **BLUEBERRY PIE:** jester can you kick him out

 **BLUEBERRY CUPCAKE:** No!! We need to plan stuff together

 **Caleb Widogast:** Well, wasn't that the whole purpose of this? Planning TravellerCon, yes?

 **jeff:** also, jester blueberry cupcake, what does the 3000 mean? have there been 2999 of these before?

 **BLUEBERRY PIE:** why is your name jeff

 **BLUEBERRY CUPCAKE:** No, this is the first one actually!! 3000 just sounds cool lmao!!!!!

 **unrestrained summer fun:** makes sense,, veth why is ur name jeff

 **jeff:** it's none of your FUCKING business tealead

 **jeff:** tealeaf*

**unrestrained summer fun changed their name to tealead.**

**jeff:** for fuck's sake

 **Clay:** You all type so fast!

 **Clay:** I went to make myself a cup of tea and I found so much to read when I came back

 **BLUEBERRY PIE:** is it one of the dead people ones? the tea

 **BLUEBERRY PIE:** the tealead

 **jeff:** it isn't even funny

 **BLUEBERRY PIE:** your face isnt even funny

 **jeff:** thanks?

 **BLUEBERRY PIE:** <3

 **jeff:** <3

 **Clay:** Well...you two are strange. And yes Beau it's one of the ones I brought from home

 **BLUEBERRY PIE:** nice nice

**Fjord changed Clay's name to Deuces.**

**Fjord:** The fucks all this then

 **BLUEBERRY PIE:** dude where were you

 **Fjord:** Out

 **BLUEBERRY PIE:** nice

 **Fjord:** Yeah

**BLUEBERRY PIE changed Fjord's name to fjordy.**

**BLUEBERRY CUPCAKE changed fjordy's name to FARTY.**

**BLUEBERRY PIE:** lmao nice

 **FARTY:** Literally why

 **BLUEBERRY CUPCAKE:** It's funny!!!! Also hi Fjord!!!! We're going to discuss Travellercon plans here!!!!

 **FARTY:** Lots of planning I see happening here

 **FARTY:** How the fuck do I change this thing

 **tealead:** no one tell him

 **tealead:** no one tell farty

 **BLUEBERRY PIE:** lol

 **FARTY:** Very funny

 **Caleb Widogast:** It is a little funny, you have to admit.

 **FARTY:** Yeah well I dont see a fart pun in your name widogast

**BLUEBERRY PIE changed Caleb Widogast's name to Caleb Widogas.**

**BLUEBERRY PIE:** good idea fjord

 **FARTY:** Ha

 **Caleb Widogas:** Really, Beauregard?

 **BLUEBERRY PIE:** really really

 **BLUEBERRY CUPCAKE:** LMAO nice beau!!!!!

 **BLUEBERRY PIE:** :)

**FARTY changed their name to fjord.**

**tealead:** oooo finally learned how to google have u

 **fjord:** What does your name even mean

 **tealead:** tealead

 **fjord:** Right

 **tealead:** <3

 **BLUEBERRY PIE:** youre such a pussy fjord cant even handle a little fart

 **jeff:** yeah, fjord, how will you handle the really big ones then

**BLUEBERRY PIE changed fjord's name to pussy.**

**pussy:** Who the fuck are you

 **pussy:** Jeff??

 **jeff:** none of your FUCKING business, pussy!!!!

 **Deuces:** Well this is all very entertaining

 **pussy:** Deucey do something please I cant handle this

 **BLUEBERRY PIE:** pussy

 **pussy:** I cant do this shit at this ungodly hour

 **BLUEBERRY PIE:** its literally 4pm dude wtf

 **pussy:** Havent slept

 **BLUEBERRY PIE:** oof

 **BLUEBERRY PIE:** was it the dreams again

 **pussy:** Nope Ive just been watching these youtube videos. Theres this guy and he makes knives out of literally anything

 **BLUEBERRY PIE:** wait so youve just been watching knife videos all night

 **pussy:** Yes

 **pussy:** Change your name beau its so hard to tell you and jester apart

 **pussy:** Youre not even as blue as her anyway. Fake blueberry

 **BLUEBERRY PIE:** WOW DUDE WHAT THE FUCK.

 **BLUEBERRY CUPCAKE:** Come on Fjord we match!!!!! It’s cute!!!!

 **jeff:** fjord’s just jealous because he doesn’t know what friendship is

 **jeff:** and who are you to talk about names, huh???? pussy

 **pussy:** I mean

 **pussy:** Its so hard to distinguish come on am I the only one

 **Deuces:** No you’re right Fjord. It’s a little confusing

 **BLUEBERRY PIE:** fine. fuck you

 **BLUEBERRY PIE:** not you cad <3

 **Deuces:** 💜

**BLUEBERRY PIE changed their name to motherfucker unlimited.**

**motherfucker unlimited:** ehe x

 **pussy:** Classy

 **tealead:** yes ur right pussy

 **pussy:** OKAY

**pussy changed their name to Fjord..**

**tealead:** yasss work those tech skillz 🥴🥴

 **Fjord.:** Im feeling so attacked right now

 **tealead:** yes

 **Fjord.:** Im just going to go now. See you all later

 **Fjord.:** If yall do any actual planning here let me know what happens

 **Fjord.:** About travellercon and all that

 **BLUEBERRY CUPCAKE:** We will!!!!!!! Take care Fjord!!!!!

 **BLUEBERRY CUPCAKE:** Make sure you get some sleep okay??????? ໒( ♥ ◡ ♥ )७

 **Fjord.:** Sure! I will. Love you all

 **motherfucker unlimited:** youre just going to go watch more fucked up knife videos arent you

 **Fjord.:** I mean. They arent fucked up

 **Fjord.:** Its actually pretty amazing how he does it

 **motherfucker unlimited:** yeah yeah go watch your nerd videos. nerd

 **Fjord.:** Love you too beau

 **Deuces:** You really should get some sleep though…

 **Fjord.:** Oh I will. At some point. I definitely will.

 **tealead:** ok bye fjord etc etc

 **tealead:** now r we gonna do this shit or wat

 **tealead:** the planning or watevr

 **Fjord.:** Wow rude. But yes bye

 **tealead:** <3

 **tealead:** anyway

 **tealead:** jester?

 **motherfucker unlimited:** right yeah. weve digressed

**Caleb Widogas: [image attachment]**

**Caleb Widogas:** Hello, everyone. Look at my cat today! He is sleeping on that awful, overpriced rug we bought in Rexxentrum.

 **motherfucker unlimited:** ohhh yeah fuck that rug man

 **BLUEBERRY CUPCAKE:** Caleb he looks SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!! 

**Caleb Widogas:** He really does.

 **tealead:** o wow i love his nose

 **Caleb Widogas:** Me too.

 **Deuces:** Oh wow! He looks so comfortable!

 **motherfucker unlimited:** wish i was a cat. just lie around

 **tealead:** yes

 **jeff:** oh wow caleb he looks amazing! and this picture is so good too. you should be a professional cat photographer!

 **tealead:** thats not a thing

 **tealead:** right?

 **jeff:** youre not a thing

 **tealead:** hmm

 **motherfucker unlimited:** right wait frumpkin looks great and all but what about tcon

 **BLUEBERRY CUPCAKE:** Oh yeah lmao!!!!!

 **BLUEBERRY CUPCAKE:** I have to go now actually Sprinkle’s getting hungry!!!!! But we should talk about this later!!!!

 **motherfucker unlimited:** we will!!

 **jeff:** yeah, i can’t wait for this thing to happen.

 **tealead:** lol same

 **tealead:** ok bye i got thingz 2 do

 **motherfucker unlimited:** hey wait

 **motherfucker unlimited:** molly wait

 **motherfucker unlimited:** dont go yet mollymauk

 **tealead:** im still here wat do u want

 **motherfucker unlimited:** wheres yasha? i thought she was doing this with us too

 **tealead:** oh her phone broke 

**tealead:** lol

 **tealead:** we were at the beach she dropped it in the water lmao

 **tealead:** its ok ill tell her everything we talked abt

 **tealead:** i mean. not that we talked abt anything lol

 **motherfucker unlimited:** alright man

 **motherfucker unlimited:** cool

 **Caleb Widogas:** Well, goodbye then, everyone, if we are done here.

 **motherfucker unlimited:** lol widogas

 **Deuces:** Talk to you all later! 🌺

 **jeff:** yeah, bye

 **motherfucker unlimited:** alright

**Deuces: 🌻**

**Author's Note:**

> \- the knife videos are a real thing and they are SO fun ([you should check them out](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCg3qsVzHeUt5_cPpcRtoaJQ))  
> \- i feel like beau is totally the kind of person who's good at spelling and language and stuff but types without any capitalisation or punctuation whatsoever on purpose. also the kind of person who'd use the word digress in casual conversation  
> \- i feel like nott/veth is also actually good with language? but she just doesnt give a fuck. she punctuates, though  
> \- caleb just doesnt realise it's possible to write incorrectly. like what?? thats a thing i can do?? wild  
> \- fjord turned off his autocorrect when he first got his phone and thats it. nothing else. he doesnt give a shit  
> \- molly is totally the kind of annoying person who quadruple texts or whatever but you cant even really find them annoying bc theyre genuinely funny  
> \- jester loves emoticons. theyre cute can you blame her!! she also likes exclamation points! they make her texts look happy  
> \- caduceus barely knows how to type. hes also like a middle aged mom? lots of ellipses, single emojis.  
> \- caleb sends frumpkin pics to everyone he knows and derails every conversation he ever has. its great  
> \- yasha.....is a mystery. :0 for now...... :0 maybe.... :0
> 
> lmao im done,, you can probably see im very passionate about the different ways people text!! its genuinely so interesting and tells you so much about them  
> also im not sure why i wrote this,, i definitely dont have the rest of it planned out. im not even sure there will be a rest of it?? rip. 
> 
> anyway. i hope you liked it? i hope it was even mildly funny. at the very least.  
> 


End file.
